No Longer Hiding

My story

When I was younger I was very athletic. I was also at my highest weight of around 150 lbs. It sounds like a lot but I was super muscular and you had to really search to find the fat on my body. At 16 I injured my knee pretty badly and had to quit all of the sports I was doing. I dropped down to 135 by the end of that year, but I wasn’t in shape. My abs had disappeared and when I walked my thighs would rub against each other. I had battled with eating issues before this point but they really began to take control at this time. My mind thought if I wasn’t working out I was worthless and didn’t deserve to eat. So I wouldn’t, and I would lose weight and then I would binge. It was a horrible cycle.

I managed to keep it somewhat at bay until I got married. That’s when I started this blog (I am 21 now) I was at 140 pounds again and it wasn’t pretty muscle. I hated my job and I suppose I was just looking for some sort of escape. I fell into exercise bulimia, and I fell hard. I would wake up every morning at seven am to run six miles. I would then do an hour of arm/ab/leg work. I would come home and eat my first 100-200 cal meal of the day. I would go to work and find the most labor intensive tasks I could find. For my lunch I would have another 100-200 calorie meal of some sort. I would come home and do an hour on the elliptical machine and end the night munching on carrot or celery sticks. I passed out numerous times, I was horrible to my husband, and I honestly didn’t lose that much weight. I went from 140 to 133 and even after 2 or 3 months of this behavior I found the scale stuck at 133.

So I got help. I now meet with a nutritionist every other week who is helping work through my food and exercise issues. I hope to find a therapist soon as well. I reached a new low weight of 125, but now I have no idea what I weigh. My scale is gone. I am more than a summation of numbers and parts. I am a human being that is so lucky to have so many people that care about her. (end cheese)

I am healthy now, and I am a lot happier, and that’s all I want from life.